The Tip of the Iceberg or the Rest of the Story

As many health educators know, the years during which children are willing to speak about personal things that are important to them are often limited to the "show and share" years of primary grades. Once children enter middle school age, many of them seem reluctant to tell adults much about their meaningful experiences.

Often a child will start a story and then say, "Never mind." Sometimes a word or two in passing is all that an adult might hear about an important event—just the barest hint of a story that asks to be told. The stories are like icebergs. The tip of the story is like the tip of an iceberg—only 10% of it appears above the surface. The rest can remain hidden below the surface.

Why is it difficult to get to the "rest of the story?" As children pass the magical stage of childhood and move into an adaptive, more socially "correct" or acceptable way of being in the world, they may be reluctant to tell too much for fear that they won't be "cool," or they have learned that they will upset another or get in trouble if they tell too much. As teens mature, they may also believe that no one will listen or understand. When there is a good listener present, adolescents like to tell their stories, just as they did when they were young children; however, the stories may be more complex, and they may not be able to find the words to describe what's going on. Feeling safe and having a good listener will enable a teen to "scratch the surface" of the story. As a result, more and more of the story can emerge.

The importance of getting to the "rest of the story" is to balance the talking about events with the feelings or emotions that the story elicits. Among other emotions, there may be some sadness in the story which can be acknowledged. This sadness helps with the understanding of how much a person cares about what s/he remembers. If teens don't have an opportunity to acknowledge their emotions, they can become depressed.

GETTING PAST THE 'TIP' OF THE ICEBERG:

Learn how to be a good listener. Many teens will share if they trust that their stories will be honored and not judged. Remembering that the "tip" of the story is probably only ten percent of what is there to be said, one can ask, "Is there anything more about that you'd like to say?" or, "Did you leave anything out?"

Health educators and parents can offer middle and high school age students a life skill by permitting and encouraging the telling of the whole story. The telling of meaningful experiences, no matter what the content, can be stepping stones to maturity.

ICEBERG ACTIVITY To illustrate the idea behind telling just a bit of a story, put a cylinder of ice in a fish bowl or some other glass bowl. The tip of the iceberg is like the "tip" of the story. Ask your students to guess how much of the iceberg is visible and how much is under water; they may be surprised to find that only ten per cent of an iceberg floats above the water. Ninety per cent is under water- just as ninety per cent of a meaningful story is "under" the surface of those first few words. As the students talk and listen to each other, the cylinder of ice melts, providing the illustration that the talking can get beyond the "tip" of the iceberg.