Health Updates

Love Shouldn't Hurt: Dating Violence

"I can't blame Kevin for hitting me," Carla said, taking a sip of her juice. "I shouldn't have made him angry in the first place."

Donelle couldn't believe what she was hearing. Carla—a girl she had known since kindergarten—was a victim of dating violence. This is a term that refers to any type of physical violence, in which one member of a dating couple is hit, punched, kicked, or otherwise assaulted by the other. It also involves forcing someone to engage in sexual activity against his or her will.

Data on Dating Violence

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), dating violence is by no means a rare occurrence. The figures from a recent study are downright shocking. One quarter of 8th and 9th grade male and female students admitted to having been a victim of dating violence. The number jumps 32% among young people aged 18 to 22.

One factor that contributes to dating violence is sexual stereotyping. A stereotype is an exaggerated or overly simplistic belief about a group. The popular stereotype is that boys are jocks. They're supposed to be tough enough to "take it." Girls who wear attractive clothing are viewed, according to the myth some people subscribe to, as "asking for trouble."

An Ounce of Prevention

Luckily, these stereotypes are beginning to lose ground. Many teens are wising up thanks to prevention and education programs in schools and the media.

There's more, however, that boys and girls can do to prevent dating violence.

For girls:

• Trust your gut reaction. If a place or a person makes you uneasy, get out or call for help.
• Go on dates in public places, such as a movie or a sports event.
• Don't leave a party or event with someone you just met or don't know well.
• Be observant. Don't go out with anyone who puts you down, pressures you, or tries to control you.

For boys:

• Accept no as a final answer, not a challenge.
• Know that rape is a violent crime with serious consequences.
• Ask yourself how your feelings about women are affected by sexual stereotypes.
• Get counseling if you have violent, aggressive feelings toward women.

Don't Be a Silent Victim

Many teen victims of dating violence stay silent and don't tell anyone. This is because they think the violence is their fault. They also believe violence in relationships is normal. Finally, they are afraid their parents will disapprove of the relationship. All of these assumptions are wrong. Any act of violence is a crime, and it is wrong.

If you're in an abusive relationship right now, do these two things. First, get out of the relationship. It's not going to get better. Second, tell a responsible adult what has been going on. You and your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend both need help. You need to have someone help you deal with the trauma of physical abuse. Your ex needs help because he or she is sick. Violent behavior is not normal. It's a sign of a troubled soul.

A Helping Hand

Donelle, the teen in the story that began this article, was shocked to hear that her friend was in an abusive relationship. Fortunately, she wasn't shocked into silence. She reported Kevin's behavior to her own mother, who called Carla's father. Kevin was arrested and is now undergoing psychiatric observation.

If a friend is being abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend, here's what you can do to help:

• Talk to your friend. Tell her or him that you're worried and want to help.
• Point out your friend's strengths and talents. Targets of abuse often have low self-esteem.
• Encourage your friend to tell an adult. Go with your friend to show your support.
• Don't try to fix the problem by confronting the abusive partner.
• Call the police if you witness an assault.

Just the Facts

1. Name a sexual stereotype that applies to boys. Name one that applies to girls.
2. Describe two things girls can do to prevent dating violence. Then describe two things boys can do.
3. Why do some teen victims of dating violence stay silent? Name two reasons.

Beyond the Facts

4. What other examples of sexual stereotyping can you think of? What other types of stereotyping are just as wrong?
5. You and a friend are at a concert. A boy approaches your friend and starts talking with her. He offers to give her a ride home after the concert. Your friend thinks he's cute and wants to go with him. What would you tell her?

Applying the Facts

Dating violence intervention projects are being increasingly used at schools across the country. Using print or online sources, find out more about these programs. Who are they aimed at? What do they teach? Do you think such programs are effective? Share your findings and opinions in a brief written report.